Hmm..
Who says life after exams would be happy, carefree or whatever fab adjectives that are appropriate for this time. My gosh. That is so wrong. I am so bored! I miss the days of mugging. LOL. Weird eh? Feel like saying, "I want exams!" but then..don't know..10 things you can do after exams:
1.Watch tv
2.Use the com
3.Go out
4.Play
5.Read
I really can't think of anymore. I just know i am so bored! All these things would lose its freshness after a while. Mymymy,i don't know. Ignore me, i am just bored so i am typing random things.
Ok, i am guessing that the previous post is written by Dino. Just wanna let you know it's part of life. No sweat. Just work harder next time and trust more in God. I guess ultimately it's not really us but God's grace. And priories and time management? trust me, i am even more messed up than you, at least you've identified your problem. Ha. Come on, let's work harder for Os and not dwell on the past. Look forward!
Next, Jesslyn, where are you? I have no idea which part of Macau and oh yay, you are coming back. Yay! You have better miss us. Hope that you have learn some precious stuff there.
erm..ok,i know i am nuts..sorry!
HAHA. Ok back to watching p&p.
van
[I REALLY DIDN'T TAKE ANYBODY'S UMBRELLA. :s Owe up, umbrella stealer and clear my name! ;p ]
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Self Reflection
I've been thinking over this for a long time. i realise that i dont have much courage for many things, that even mysef i think that i have faulted too much, even if i repent i wont be able to keep up my resistance...
i have not done so well for my exams, i have only passed two out of my six subjects, and things are not going so well. i know that i should not make my life full of depressions but the feeling of failure is there, and its already the mid-years. June-July-August-September-October. The only thing thats keeping me away from overcoming my own fear is the fact that only 5 months seperate me from the 'O' level exams had instilled fear and uneasiness in me, even after i close my eyes and fill myself with air to clear my thinking, as well as after the happy moments that i have spent, i laspe back into the mindset that i will not be able to complete my objectives in time. My SS and Geography are the main killers, i can hardly memorize what they really want at all.
I have to say that i have npot been taking myself seriously. I have allowed myself to become overconfident after passing my 'N' levels. Even if i have passed with six points in my best three subjects, i have allowed myself to think that doing well in the 'N' levels is enough, and the time frame between the Ns and Os is still a long way. Neither did i predict that the first 5 months in 2007 will be so fast in my terms, that i wasted my time playing games as well as playing sports that i hardly leave any time for my studies, and more critically, for God.
I have felt myself backsliding these few months. Ever since the start of the year i lost all my time management, as well as my priorities. Although i may put up a front which shows that i still have much faith, many incidents have left me actually shaken in faith, although i try my best to keep myself in God's light. When times are good, i praise Him, when times are bad, i thank Him for allowing it to happen, so as to make me stronger in myself. When i'm with friends, i feel happiness, but when all is over and the day is quiet, i feel failure reaching out to trap me again. Many times have i thought if i'm really into God, i try to get close to Him in my own way, but not the correct way. In the recent months, i felt that i have been a disappointment... i know people who are strong in their faith of God, as well as those who can help, but i always feel myself falling behind, no matter how much i try to deny it, its always haunting inside my thoughts.
I dont know if its demonic attackes or just my own thinking, but i do know after hearing the sermons in church, as well as recalling the meaning to the best of my ability, that the Deciver has something to do with it. Even as i type this, i realise more and more that i have missed, that i have overlooked, things that i should have found out and put down before my life fell into the crisis that i'm experiancing now. I felt distant even from myself, let alone God. I felt that feeling to dwell into the word in some periods of time, but i allow myself to just turn off the lights and sleep. I even realised that i didnt even put in real effort to try and make a comeback. At some times i even found myself frightened by what i have gotten myself into, like not preparing well for exams, not studying at all, falling into temptation which eventually destroys myself in school life.
Before i even started on this text document, i have intended to just uninstall as many things as possible from my com, things that will harm my concentration in things. I also allowed my interests to get the better of me, to allow them to rank first in my priorities instead. Many times at night when i cant sleep i realise that many things which i could do to improve myself, like... studying instead of playing, doing QT instead of tossing and turning around in bed thinking of my past failures. Things have passed, some of which i know is my fault, some of which is indirectly pointed at me, but try as i might to forget them, the Accuser will always form them back into my mind. Examples? many, like not doing so well for my past work, not doing so well in the IE camp for sparklighters, not spreading the Gospel as much as i should, not acheiving stuff which i suposedly could. Even failing to keep God's commandments at times. I even noticed that i ended up blaming myself for such things, feeling powerless to change the outcome. I have told others that whats done is done, but now, who am i to even tell them that when i cant even overcome them myself ?
Just when i feel that i'm all down and out, i finally did a full self-reflection to myself. I clear myself, and finally dawn upon me that i should type this out.
Joshua 1:5-9
No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As i with Moses, so i will be with you.; I will never leave you nor forsake you.
Be strong and courageous, because you will leas these people to inherit the land i swore to their forefathers to give them. be strong and courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go.
Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate in it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.
Have I not commanded you ? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
Amen.
It Is You - Darlene Zschech as performed by Hillsongs Australia
Lamp unto my feet
Light unto my path
It is You
Jesus, it is You
This treasure that I hold
More than finest gold
It is You
Jesus, it is You
With all my heart
With all my soul
I live to worship You and
Praise forever more
Praise forever more
Lord everyday
I need You more
On wings of heaven I will soar
With You
You take my brokenness
Call me to Yourself
There You stand
Healing in Your hands
i have not done so well for my exams, i have only passed two out of my six subjects, and things are not going so well. i know that i should not make my life full of depressions but the feeling of failure is there, and its already the mid-years. June-July-August-September-October. The only thing thats keeping me away from overcoming my own fear is the fact that only 5 months seperate me from the 'O' level exams had instilled fear and uneasiness in me, even after i close my eyes and fill myself with air to clear my thinking, as well as after the happy moments that i have spent, i laspe back into the mindset that i will not be able to complete my objectives in time. My SS and Geography are the main killers, i can hardly memorize what they really want at all.
I have to say that i have npot been taking myself seriously. I have allowed myself to become overconfident after passing my 'N' levels. Even if i have passed with six points in my best three subjects, i have allowed myself to think that doing well in the 'N' levels is enough, and the time frame between the Ns and Os is still a long way. Neither did i predict that the first 5 months in 2007 will be so fast in my terms, that i wasted my time playing games as well as playing sports that i hardly leave any time for my studies, and more critically, for God.
I have felt myself backsliding these few months. Ever since the start of the year i lost all my time management, as well as my priorities. Although i may put up a front which shows that i still have much faith, many incidents have left me actually shaken in faith, although i try my best to keep myself in God's light. When times are good, i praise Him, when times are bad, i thank Him for allowing it to happen, so as to make me stronger in myself. When i'm with friends, i feel happiness, but when all is over and the day is quiet, i feel failure reaching out to trap me again. Many times have i thought if i'm really into God, i try to get close to Him in my own way, but not the correct way. In the recent months, i felt that i have been a disappointment... i know people who are strong in their faith of God, as well as those who can help, but i always feel myself falling behind, no matter how much i try to deny it, its always haunting inside my thoughts.
I dont know if its demonic attackes or just my own thinking, but i do know after hearing the sermons in church, as well as recalling the meaning to the best of my ability, that the Deciver has something to do with it. Even as i type this, i realise more and more that i have missed, that i have overlooked, things that i should have found out and put down before my life fell into the crisis that i'm experiancing now. I felt distant even from myself, let alone God. I felt that feeling to dwell into the word in some periods of time, but i allow myself to just turn off the lights and sleep. I even realised that i didnt even put in real effort to try and make a comeback. At some times i even found myself frightened by what i have gotten myself into, like not preparing well for exams, not studying at all, falling into temptation which eventually destroys myself in school life.
Before i even started on this text document, i have intended to just uninstall as many things as possible from my com, things that will harm my concentration in things. I also allowed my interests to get the better of me, to allow them to rank first in my priorities instead. Many times at night when i cant sleep i realise that many things which i could do to improve myself, like... studying instead of playing, doing QT instead of tossing and turning around in bed thinking of my past failures. Things have passed, some of which i know is my fault, some of which is indirectly pointed at me, but try as i might to forget them, the Accuser will always form them back into my mind. Examples? many, like not doing so well for my past work, not doing so well in the IE camp for sparklighters, not spreading the Gospel as much as i should, not acheiving stuff which i suposedly could. Even failing to keep God's commandments at times. I even noticed that i ended up blaming myself for such things, feeling powerless to change the outcome. I have told others that whats done is done, but now, who am i to even tell them that when i cant even overcome them myself ?
Just when i feel that i'm all down and out, i finally did a full self-reflection to myself. I clear myself, and finally dawn upon me that i should type this out.
Joshua 1:5-9
No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As i with Moses, so i will be with you.; I will never leave you nor forsake you.
Be strong and courageous, because you will leas these people to inherit the land i swore to their forefathers to give them. be strong and courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go.
Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate in it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.
Have I not commanded you ? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
Amen.
It Is You - Darlene Zschech as performed by Hillsongs Australia
Lamp unto my feet
Light unto my path
It is You
Jesus, it is You
This treasure that I hold
More than finest gold
It is You
Jesus, it is You
With all my heart
With all my soul
I live to worship You and
Praise forever more
Praise forever more
Lord everyday
I need You more
On wings of heaven I will soar
With You
You take my brokenness
Call me to Yourself
There You stand
Healing in Your hands
Saturday, May 12, 2007
In His grace we stand
hello guys! You wouldn't believe how big my eyes opened when I saw the number of posts I missed reading. But yay! Red blood cell is alive!
Amanda: BRAVE *clapclapclap* takes a lot of strength to do what you did! It doesn't mean that things will be rosy posey from now on though, but when it gets rough, you know I'm here for you!
Van: Wah, your post really touched me. Especially since Mothers' day is just round the corner. It really reminded me too of my grandma, who was a non-believer when she passed away, and her life wasn't really good you know. We know all these, yet we still take our parents and grandparents for granted so often. And it's true too, if these people who are so human and therefore imperfect, can love us sooo much, what about our perfect and holy God, who saw us even before the Earth was born, and who created us simply because He loved us?
Sam Low, Cheryl, Tim: Haha, God works in really cute ways eh? =) He's there in the trivialest of things,and thank Him for that! But a point to ponder for ALL of us is that, will/can we still praise Him, when things don't go the way we want them to? How do we give thanks,when all we feel is hurt and disappointment inside?
Dino: I am very AMAZED by your 7-step human-airplane analogy of love. Seriously, I was so amazed I had to make sure that it wasn't kopped from somewhere else. Haha. Did you really come up with this yourself?? If you did it's really good la!
My exams have finally been over, and I've been preparing for my trip next Sunday. So this coming Sunday would be my last week at cell before I disappear for 3 weeks! That aside, I can't begin to express how good God has been to my team. He's taken away all the fear and intimidation we initially felt about the trip, and replaced it with excitement! It's no easy matter for 5 pampered Singaporean kids to be thrown into a land and be made to reach out to people of a virtually different dimension, people from prison, people who don't speak English, people who are born into a culture of broken families, atheism, and gambling. But God has shown us that it is not about us, but about Him, for Him. And when we realize that, and choose to place the burden upon Christ and take upon ourselves His yoke that is easy to bear, we see that wow, God has chosen us lowly, talentless people to tell the Macau people of His glory.
Quoting this book I'm reading, The Discipline of Grace by Jerry Bridges, "faith is merely the hand that receives the gift of God, and God through His Spirit even opens our hand to receive the gift."
It's all about You, Jesus
And all this is for You
For Your glory and Your grace
It's not about me,
As if You should do things my way
You alone are God
And I surrender
To Your Name.
Amanda: BRAVE *clapclapclap* takes a lot of strength to do what you did! It doesn't mean that things will be rosy posey from now on though, but when it gets rough, you know I'm here for you!
Van: Wah, your post really touched me. Especially since Mothers' day is just round the corner. It really reminded me too of my grandma, who was a non-believer when she passed away, and her life wasn't really good you know. We know all these, yet we still take our parents and grandparents for granted so often. And it's true too, if these people who are so human and therefore imperfect, can love us sooo much, what about our perfect and holy God, who saw us even before the Earth was born, and who created us simply because He loved us?
Sam Low, Cheryl, Tim: Haha, God works in really cute ways eh? =) He's there in the trivialest of things,and thank Him for that! But a point to ponder for ALL of us is that, will/can we still praise Him, when things don't go the way we want them to? How do we give thanks,when all we feel is hurt and disappointment inside?
Dino: I am very AMAZED by your 7-step human-airplane analogy of love. Seriously, I was so amazed I had to make sure that it wasn't kopped from somewhere else. Haha. Did you really come up with this yourself?? If you did it's really good la!
My exams have finally been over, and I've been preparing for my trip next Sunday. So this coming Sunday would be my last week at cell before I disappear for 3 weeks! That aside, I can't begin to express how good God has been to my team. He's taken away all the fear and intimidation we initially felt about the trip, and replaced it with excitement! It's no easy matter for 5 pampered Singaporean kids to be thrown into a land and be made to reach out to people of a virtually different dimension, people from prison, people who don't speak English, people who are born into a culture of broken families, atheism, and gambling. But God has shown us that it is not about us, but about Him, for Him. And when we realize that, and choose to place the burden upon Christ and take upon ourselves His yoke that is easy to bear, we see that wow, God has chosen us lowly, talentless people to tell the Macau people of His glory.
Quoting this book I'm reading, The Discipline of Grace by Jerry Bridges, "faith is merely the hand that receives the gift of God, and God through His Spirit even opens our hand to receive the gift."
It's all about You, Jesus
And all this is for You
For Your glory and Your grace
It's not about me,
As if You should do things my way
You alone are God
And I surrender
To Your Name.
Sunday, May 6, 2007
coming clean
hey guys.. i guess i shuld realli come clean and tell you guys abt my life.. you know, ben has been telling me dat his cell has this life-sharing session thing dat everyone just shares abt his/her life, like personal beliefs ideals history.. and stuff and realli get to know each other.. well. i guess we could try dat =)
anyway.. i guess many of you know i had been involved in a relationship wif a non-Christian. yupp. had is the word.. just broke up last week and i guess i shuld let you ppl know, as my cg members. mmhmm, but im realli realli grateful to God for this, cuz He has realli shown me what He wants. as in i can just come clean and tell the world, including my parents, but when i was in it i felt dat dere was smth bothering me and holding me back from realli giving God my all.
yupp.. so letting you guys know dat im gonna serve Him with my all and dat means channelling this energy into cell.. so u all feel like gg out, feel like chatting anything, call me hor! haha
yupp, if you wanna know more i guess can ask lah, wun type all the details here but i know very clearly dat it was the right thing to do and life will never be the same. well, i guess i need some time to forget him and i'm rather confused abt how to go abt remaining good frens with him. like shuld i contact him often? or give myself and him some time? -shrug- yupp mebbe you all could pray for me in dat area.. okie.. anyways, we were saying smth abt a cell gat this week end right? so please please mag me or post when you're free and ideas please! haha so we could fellowship this coming weekend. i know spa's like coming up this last three weeks but well, it's just spa lah right.. we could study tgthr! haha
anyway.. i guess many of you know i had been involved in a relationship wif a non-Christian. yupp. had is the word.. just broke up last week and i guess i shuld let you ppl know, as my cg members. mmhmm, but im realli realli grateful to God for this, cuz He has realli shown me what He wants. as in i can just come clean and tell the world, including my parents, but when i was in it i felt dat dere was smth bothering me and holding me back from realli giving God my all.
yupp.. so letting you guys know dat im gonna serve Him with my all and dat means channelling this energy into cell.. so u all feel like gg out, feel like chatting anything, call me hor! haha
yupp, if you wanna know more i guess can ask lah, wun type all the details here but i know very clearly dat it was the right thing to do and life will never be the same. well, i guess i need some time to forget him and i'm rather confused abt how to go abt remaining good frens with him. like shuld i contact him often? or give myself and him some time? -shrug- yupp mebbe you all could pray for me in dat area.. okie.. anyways, we were saying smth abt a cell gat this week end right? so please please mag me or post when you're free and ideas please! haha so we could fellowship this coming weekend. i know spa's like coming up this last three weeks but well, it's just spa lah right.. we could study tgthr! haha
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