the memory span of an Israelite

Recently, it seems like I’ve forgotten how good God is, and now that I’m reminded of it, through little things, it drives me to tears and regret over things I’ve said to Him in the dark of the night, and the thought of abandoning Him that surface every now and then.

The past weeks haven’t been easy. It was hard to find something to thank God for. Just when I thought I was picking up on prayer, I slumped into recession of faith. My family learnt last week that my uncle is terminal, cancer of the liver, and has only 3-6 months to live. Last week, I honestly thought he’d be gone by this weekend. His kidneys started to fail, water entered his lungs, and his mind was exhausted from the operation and from the fight to stay alive, to keep breathing. Mid-week, my mom said some stuff that made me, at that point of time, really hate her. Then I turned my anger to God. I’ve been praying for my family, and there haven’t been any results, or improvements. I was angry at Him for not doing anything, for allowing things to happen this way. But, reluctantly, I was forced to submit it to His sovereignty again.

Apparently, being ‘forced to’ wasn’t good enough for Him. He wanted to make me to see that He didn’t want me to be forced into trusting and loving Him, but He wanted to make me do it out of my own accord. And today’s cell opened my eyes to this, and now I happily and willingly trust in Him to answer my prayers. They may take years to realize, but God is my strength.

In the Bible God says that He will answer prayers when,

1. they are in God’s will,

2. they are according to faith,

3. they are asked in Jesus’ name, and,

4. they will glorify God.

In other words, complete God-centredness, which requires us to look away from our needs to the needs of the people around us, at the big picture. And I believe that what I’m asking for, reconciliation in my family first, then their salvation, is fully in His will and all of the above, so I have full faith it will happen.

I thank God for restoring my uncle’s health such that he can even converse with us and tell jokes now.

I thank God for taking care of my bidding for me, so even though I missed the announcement of the cancellation of lecture and went to school for nothing, I got all the mods I want for 1 point each only!

I thank God for friends who have been there to tide me through - Alina, Vic, Amanda, Van, Cheryl, Joanna.

And finally I thank God for other things that I cannot say here publicly, but assures me of His plans. :)

So, if you're like me, feeling lost and helpless, don't be an Israelite who keeps forgetting God's goodness to you before. Know that He has helped you through, and He will carry you through the present and future!

-Jess