As i laid on my bed, i had a glimpse of God's love. As usual, i'll think of my grandmother, wanting to help her and yet don't know how, unwilling. I told God to just touch her, enveloped her in His love, just hold her in His arms. I told Him i am willing to give all my angels, all my blessings to her if that will make her happy. That's all i wanted. I thought of all the times she took care of me. Never touching english her whole life, she did my english exercises for me when i was p1. it was an awkward process but she did it. I realised how much i love her, so much that i am willing to give my blessings and angels to her. Then it dawned on me, Someone loves us as much. He gave His life for us. Then i asked myself, will i do that for my granmother? It was at the moment, i realised the magnitude of God's love. We know He loves us, but do we really really know? I wonder...

Last night, i laid on my bed once again, this time thinking about my mom. She worked till the wee hours of the night just to go through my chinese with me, to accomodate my timing. An unspeakable love for her filled my heart. I am so afraid of losing her. Again. it's as if God is there, meeting me again. I realised that God looking at a non-believer, a backslidden christian feels searing pain. An undescribable pain that we feel when we lose someone. Only it is deeper, truer, purer.

I asked God why He showed me all these only to realise He is answering my prayer. I asked Him to be more real to me and He put things into perspective. So when we ask God for somthing, do we really mean it?

All for love a Father gave
For only Love could make a way
All for love
the heavens cried
For love was crucified

Oh how many times
have i have i borken Your heart
Still You forgive
If only i ask

Oh how many times
have You heard me pray
Draw near to me

Everything i need is You
My beginning
My forever
Everything i need is You

LEt me sing all for love
I'll join the angel song
Ever holy is the Lord
King of glory
King of all

All for love
A saviour prayed
Abba Father
have Your way
Though they not know what they do
Let the cross draw man to You

van