i choose You

thought i just post this here too to edify and also to let u all noe wad's up. lol

i have come to a conclusion that my mind is really active. i just can't stop thinking about alot of things, and after talking to some close ppl and stuff, my mind really, at times, think too much. and at times i just feeling like plucking out my brain you know, lol, and i ask God like why He gave me a mind like this. ok, i'm blaming it on my mind. LOL

really, these thoughts have caused me to doubt God. i kinda agree with naz's lil theory on the stage one stage two thing. i think im in the stack where i have to continually renew my mind and affirm my faith. of course i need God.and i'm the type of person, when im onto some thing, im REALLY ON to that thing. seriously i just can't shut my mind up. lol. no wonder those thoughts came when i was drawing closer and closer to God during camp and when i could see alot of stuff happening. even now. i thank God for it, really, cause i understand alot of things now.

He taught me about free will. acty i realised i acty really learnt when i was on the phone ystd. lol. like sharing things with ppl really opens my eyes to how much i've learnt lor. haha. why free will? it makes things all the more meaningful. i mean if God just made us believe liddat and took away all the doubts and stuff rites, it won't really be free will. It's when we choose to love Him, choose to believe in Him.. CHOOSE. this lesson started when i was at my grandma's hse one night making nian gao. was really troubled, and cried out to Him. and den He showed in, in the weirdest way ever. through the shou zu drama. LOL. it was smth like the lady was trying to prove her innocence abt not cheating on her husband to her family. and she did all she could, swearing and stuff. but when they asked her to just test the baby's DNA she refused. not cuz she was guilty, but more like she felt there was no meaning and no trust already. dam cool lah. lol

Norman shared this with cell. "Love God and do whatever you want." it's dam true. this world becomes meaningful when we do things to show our love for Him, when we choose Him. because at the beginning He loved us first, He reached out to us.

and He just kept teaching me that day by day. yes, child like faith. during the sermon after the drama i was pondering over children. over their innocence. dat's why Jesus said, let the little children come to me. yes Lord, gimme this child like faith. seriously i dont mind being called suaku or wad lor, i'd rather not be exposed to those worldly things. but then again God will be pleased when you run away from worldly things for His sake.

<3 manda