again?!?

so many questions swarmed my mind again. crap. i told myself. am i beginning to doubt God again?

of course i began to apply wad i learnt. i chose. JESUS I BELIEVE IN YOU. so i shoved thoughts like, are you really there? out of my head. cuz they have alrdy been answered. the many times He showed me He cares for me, supernatural 'coindences' happened. and all the bio stuff i know couldnt have happened as a result of a big bang. so yea i worshipped Him.

but i guess sth's missing. Pastor Pacer talked abt Jesus today, and he said sth like, those of you who are unsure of ur salvation pls step out. and den i asked myself. amanda, are you sure you're saved? are you really sure? siao lah, i am, but i guess there's still doubt. not 100%, and it comes like mood swings you know. crappy

well, the last time i doubted Him, i resolved to the fact dat i really dint know wad i do if there wasn't a God who loves me exist. yea. and well, jess prayed dat we'll all draw closer to Him, so i guess He's doing sth again. these few days cuz of CTs and RCLF havent really been doing solid qt, onli some nites where i feel i really had to and cried out to Him. den i was just thinking alot again. and it was mood swing for 5 min, mood swing back. doubt don't doubt. CRAPPY

finally, i played guitar, and sang praises to Him, and den opened the bible. God what do you want me to read? and den "Case for Christ" came into my mind. wah siao. i dint know my dad had it, found it a few days ago b4 CTs, so told my dad i'd read it after my CTs. somemore today come home so early from church, dint wanna call anyone cuz den i'd be filling up my loneliness/ 'emptiness' with them, n there was no studying to do. so i was bored. and when im bored. my mind goes crazy. somemore im so tired, drained, haiyaaaa....

and den tada! God reveals to me Case for Christ. yea, dat will be my first book in 4 years i am going to complete. yepp. comeon!

-manda